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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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'The Natural' Not On TV Often Enough For Area Dad

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Local father Ken Hosmer voiced his disapproval Sunday concerning the frequency with which cable television channels air the 1984 film The Natural. "I was flipping through and didn't see The Natural on TMC, TBS, or even AMC," said Hosmer, adding that while The Hunt For Red October provided a temporary diversion, it was no substitute for the Robert Redford classic. “I just want to be able to surf around and catch him striking out The Whammer, or maybe the part where he breaks Wonderboy right before the final home run, you know?” Hosmer also criticized his local classic rock radio station for its infrequent broadcasting of Thin Lizzy's 1976 hit "The Boys Are Back In Town."

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