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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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The Next Day

You're tired from a late night out with friends, and you have to be up for breakfast with your parents. Here are some ways to survive the day:

  • Give your bullwhip a few good cracks before leaving the house.
  • A spoon left in the freezer overnight is perfect for soothing puffy eyelids and will help you solve the mystery of where all your utensils ended up.
  • Rehearse phrases that will make you seem ahead of the game, like "I love you" and "Dad."
  • Invite your wingman from the night before to make small talk with family members; reward him with the pick of your hottest cousins.
  • Slowly pour a pitcher of ice water down your boxer shorts. This is from a movie.
  • Your parents were young once, too. They’ll understand whatever lie you come up with to get out of it.
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