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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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The NFL's History Of Military Action

Word has come down that the National Football League has launched a series of missiles into a Cambodian factory/elementary school thought to be fabricating unlicensed NFL merchandise. Though the death toll in the factory has reached into the hundreds, many of them children, it is far from the bloodiest day in the long, brutal history of the NFL.

  • 1920 - Began as the American Professional Football Conference in an effort to rival Major League Baseball, the eleven inaugural teams organize a small militia to kill off every member of the Boston Red Stockings
  • 1944 - The NFL wins several key World War II battles as part of their initial effort to spawn NFL Europe
  • 1966 - Several National Football League paratroopers fire into a crowd of peaceful AFL fans
  • 1982 - In response to a 57 day long players' strike, the league has every last player exterminated and replaced with dutiful, compliant clones
  • 1987 - The USFL is firebombed out of existence
  • 1995 - Armed representatives of the League Subcommittee to Promote Expansion aggressively invade Jacksonville, even though no one there wants a football team whatsoever
  • 2003 - NFL invades and quickly conquers American Samoa to enslave their people and put them to work in their secondaries and defensive lines
  • 2006 - NFL operatives nearly complete their mission to kill Terrell Owens and make it look like a suicide

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