adBlockCheck

The Onion’s Father’s Day Gift Guide For Dad Around The House

Top Headlines

Recent News

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

The Onion’s Father’s Day Gift Guide For Dad Around The House

Father’s Day is only a few days away, and what better way to show your dad how much he means to you than with one of these amazing gifts he can always use around the house?


Lawn Master 96-Piece Rake Set ($79.99)

Before your dad goes out to take care of those leaves piling up in the yard, he’ll love taking a few solid hours to put together this easy-to-assemble rake that comes in 96 individual pieces. It’s also just as fun to disassemble!


Lawn Master 96-Piece Rake Set ($89.99)

For the completist in all our dads, this special-edition collection from Lawn Master features 96 different rakes of all sizes.


Phil Mickelson’s head in a bag ($24.99)

Your dad tunes in every weekend to watch Lefty on TV; now he can finally bring the professional golfer home once and for all. Perfect for any house’s mantle!


“King of the Mill” 5,000-acre Yakima, WA industrial sawmill ($4.4 million)

You can’t go wrong buying your dad this classic lumbering facility located in the Pacific Northwest. Comes complete with over 1,200 individual edging, trimming, and drying machines and up to 14,000 employees to get started.


Prosthetic Legs ($9,200)

87 percent of dads have lost their legs and are forced to crawl around their homes to complete basic everyday tasks. Buy your dad a pair of prosthetic legs today!


The son he always wanted ($799.99)

Your dad will well up in pride when you finally give him this 27-year-old who has a six-figure job on Wall Street, played fullback through his senior year in college, and never once wasted a large portion of his life trying to start a band.


Custom barbecue apron made of mom’s hair ($19.99)

Nothing quite says “summer” like this custom-designed apron made entirely using the hair of your mother. Dad can hit the grill this Fourth of July knowing his one true love is always near.


Book with a sepia-tone photo of a cannon on the cover ($34.99)

Nothing will complete your dad’s bookshelf like this handsome, cloth-bound tome covered with an aged photo of a cannon sitting on grass. Looks like it has a good amount of text on the inside and even some more black-and-white photos of bearded men staring at the camera.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close