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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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The Thinkable Happens To Local Man

OLATHE, KS—The thinkable happened to area resident Bruce Conroy, 44, Monday, when the newspaper he was carrying fell out of his hand. "I can believe what I just saw," one witness told reporters. "In all my years, I can honestly say I've seen many things like that." An unshaken Conroy told reporters after the incident: "Who wouldn't have thought that this, or something very much like it, could happen?"

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