adBlockCheck

Recent News

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

The TuckScreen: My Life As A Tween Icon

I'm getting a lot of compliments for making the cover of Teen People (posted below). I'm stumped as to what it is about me that tweens find so appealing, but I'm happy that it has brought me so many exciting opportunities. Most recently, I was asked to voice a character for a new cartoon show called Yuki Ki Yuki Battle Zoom. It's an "anime," which is a kind of Japanese cartoon that is very popular with tweens these days. I'll be playing a robotic wolf who helps a young boy in his eternal fight against something called The Six Earth Spirits. I'm not exactly sure what my character's role in the battle will be, but I'm sure it's going to be fun!

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close