adBlockCheck

Theater Major Has Too Long Borne Shakespeare Teacher's Blunt Upbraidings, Bitter Scoffs

Top Headlines

Recent News

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Theater Major Has Too Long Borne Shakespeare Teacher's Blunt Upbraidings, Bitter Scoffs

NASHVILLE, TN—Vanderbilt University theater major Sandy Heckscher said Monday that she has been stretched to the limits of her endurance by the "blunt upbraidings and bitter scoffs" of drama professor and Shakespeare scholar Ian Treatt. "Who breathes but'd rather be a simple whore, than lurk within this country of insult?" said Heckscher, who thinks Treatt is a "bad grader." "O monstrous beast! How like a swine he lies! Grim death—that foul and loathsome moniker!" Treatt responded to the charges by saying only that he found himself amazed that theater majors "are too simple/To offer war where they should kneel for peace."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close