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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Theo Epstein Disgusted To Find Cubs Playing In Old Stadium With Weeds Growing All Over Walls

CHICAGO—After taking a tour of the franchise's home stadium Monday, new Chicago Cubs president Theo Epstein told reporters he was revolted the team played in a stadium so run-down a landscaper had to be hired to cut down the thick carpet of weeds growing all the way up the outfield walls. "That hunk-of-junk scoreboard in center is apparently broken—they change the numbers by hand—and I don't even know if this place has electricity," Epstein said while directing workers to tear down the field's dangerous brick boundaries. "If this is the way they take care of their ballpark, I'm not surprised they never put together a winning team here." Epstein went on to say he is already planning to build a "proper, modern stadium" for the Cubs next to Woodfield Mall in nearby Schaumburg, IL, and hopes to have Wrigley Field demolished as soon as possible.

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