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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Theory Of Intelligent School-Board Design Disproven

DOVER, PA—The controversial "theory of intelligent school-board design," which holds that local school boards are "imbued by their creator with minds of irreducible complexity," was decisively disproven by the actions of the Dover School Board this week. "The ignorant and incompetent decisions of this school board clearly indicate that their opinions are not informed by any sort of higher intelligence," said Dover citizen Hank Jervis, one of thousands of locals currently mobilizing to oust the current school board in the next scheduled elections. "Obviously, there is no all-knowing, all-powerful superintendent guiding their demonstrably incorrect policies." Critics of the theory argue that the new evidence supports the alternate view that school boards, instead of being created perfect and without error, rather evolved over the eons out of a morass of political, social, and religious special-interest groups, some of which are better-suited to adapt to change than others.

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