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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Thing That Got Area Man A Laugh To Be Done Repeatedly For Next 12 Years

DANVILLE, IL—After a particular combination of vocalizations and gestures garnered him several laughs Tuesday, local man Terry Lanier announced his plans to repeat the series of actions regularly for the next 12 years. "I believe this one will have a lot of traction," Lanier said of the routine he believes will provide an easy way to break the ice in social situations or insert a little levity into serious discussions. "It may require slight modifications from year to year, and I'll probably have to tweak a few things depending on the audience, but I intend to ride this thing out as long as I can." Lanier added that in order to make room for the new gag in his repertoire, he has opted to retire an 8-year-old bit that is still getting laughs but perhaps not the right kind anymore.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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