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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Thing With Old Girlfriend Works With New Girlfriend

BOSTON—According to local man Peter McCarthy, an endearing behavior that once helped him nurture companionship and intimacy with ex-girlfriend Kara Banachek is currently allowing him to do the same with new girlfriend Alyssa Michals. "Kara used to love it when I made funny faces and tried to get her to laugh when she was talking on the phone, and it turns out Alyssa gets a kick out of that too," the 29-year-old said Wednesday, acknowledging he has also taken advantage of the fresh audience to recycle such tried-and-true practices as stroking back the hair from Michals' forehead before kissing her and nuzzling the back of her neck as the two drift off to sleep. "I do feel kind of guilty about it, and, yeah, they'd probably both be pissed if they found out, but realistically that's not ever going to happen, so who's it hurting?" McCarthy said he was still feeling out the use of his old pet name for Banachek—"Kare Bear"—on Michals and was prepared to "go back to the drawing board" should his new girlfriend grow suspicious.

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