adBlockCheck

Third-Grade Scientists Successfully Vaporize Water

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting

Conductor Fatigue Blamed In Massive Model Train Crash

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After surveying the dozen railcars and cargo of Lincoln Logs strewn haphazardly across the grass mat, investigators concluded Friday that a massive model train derailment was the result of conductor fatigue.

The Pros And Cons Of Co-Sleeping

The act of co-sleeping, where babies and toddlers share a “family bed” with their parents, is a rising trend in the United States, though the practice is contested by those who doubt its purported benefits. Here are the pros and cons of co-sleeping with your child

The Onion’s Guide To Trick-Or-Treating

Halloween gives revelers a chance to receive candy all over the neighborhood. Here are some tips to make sure you get the most out of your experience and take home a big haul.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Third-Grade Scientists Successfully Vaporize Water

GRESHAM, OR—In a breakthrough that has electrified the world's 10-and-under scientific community, Mrs. Wagner's third-grade class successfully vaporized water under controlled classroom conditions Monday.

Scientists Jake Squirek (left) and Tommy Mautz announce their findings at a schoolwide assembly in the gym.

"Um, the coolest thing was when we got to light the fire that made the water disappear," said Jake Squirek, 9, a member of the Gresham Elementary School experimental-research team. "Then it boiled, then it turned into steam, which is the gas form of water."

"Clouds are like steam, only not hot," said fellow scientist Pam McKee, 8. "Water is called H20 in science."

The experiment began with researcher Brittany Chase, 8, transferring approximately 50cL of water from the hallway drinking fountain into an Erlenmeyer flask. The water was then poured into a test tube placed on a stand over a Bunsen burner.

Despite offers from numerous members of the third-grade team, the burner was lit by Mrs. Wagner. Within two minutes, the contents of the flask began to boil, and shortly thereafter, the water vaporized and turned to steam.

According to Mrs. Wagner, the experiment was designed to illustrate the principles of evaporation and the three states of matter.

"The students had already conducted an experiment in which an ice cube was placed in a dish and melted over the course of two hours, demonstrating the change from solid to liquid," Mrs. Wagner said. "They did so well with that, I wanted to reward them with something more challenging."

Monday's successful vaporization brought to an end a string of failures and setbacks for the young scientists. In September, an attempt to get a hamster to run through a maze to reach a plate of honey-roasted peanuts was scrapped when the animal escaped and disappeared under the classroom radiator. Two weeks later, a demonstration of the sense of taste was abandoned when a roll of Life Savers that had been part of the exercise was inadvertently eaten. And last Wednesday, Mrs. Wagner said, a static-electricity experiment resulted in "a lot of popped balloons and hurt feelings."

Squirek and Mautz confirm the presence of water in the flask.

Amanda Reynolds, 8, was among those who feared that the vaporization would meet a similar fate.

"We didn't think anything would happen this time," Reynolds said. "We didn't have any luck before, so we figured this time would be the same. But then it started to steam, and we were all excited. I didn't know what to expect. Then I got scared that it would explode and we would all get killed."

"That didn't happen," Reynolds added.

The breakthrough experiment has generated considerable excitement among third-grade scientists across the U.S.

"Do you know what this means?" Monroe, MI, third-grader Shawn Bendix said. "If we can vaporize water, we probably can vaporize other liquids, too. You just have to heat it! You just have to heat it!"

Bendix then ran off to try to vaporize a quart of Strawberry Quik.

Members of the grown-up science community had high praise for the Gresham Elementary School team, as well.

"These bright youngsters are the future of science," said John Diekman, Ph.D., chairman of the Scripps Research Institute in La Jolla, CA. "They will be the ones dissecting frogs, growing bean plants in milk cartons, and dipping litmus paper into acids and bases well into this century."

Flush with success, the members of Mrs. Wagner's team are already debating what their next experiment should be.

"We should make firecrackers," Tommy Mautz, 9, told fellow scientist Dana Lardner. "If we can't do that, maybe we should put a rat in the snake cage so we can see the snake eat it whole. That would be so cool."

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close