adBlockCheck

Third-Grader Awaits Lesson For Cursive G

Top Headlines

Recent News

Obama Resigns From Presidency After Michelle Lands Dream Job In Seattle

‘It’s Time I Made Some Sacrifices For This Family,’ Reports President

WASHINGTON—Saying his wife of 24 years had already sacrificed so much for the sake of his career and that it was time to return the favor, Barack Obama announced Wednesday his resignation as president of the United States of America, effective immediately, following news that Michelle Obama had landed her dream job in Seattle.

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

Jogger Clearly On First Run Of Plan To Turn Life Around

CHICAGO—Taking note of the man’s beat-up tennis shoes, sweat-drenched shirt, and ill-fitting pair of sweatpants as he made his way down the sidewalk, witnesses reported Tuesday that area jogger Dan Andreychuk was clearly out on his very first run of a plan to turn his life around.

What’s At Stake In New Hampshire

With the New Hampshire primary election Tuesday poised to impact the course of the 2016 presidential race, The Onion examines what’s at stake for the candidates
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Third-Grader Awaits Lesson For Cursive G

GRAND RAPIDS, MI–Area third-grader Abigail Werner is anxiously awaiting the lesson for the cursive letter G, George Washington Carver Elementary School sources revealed Monday.

Anxiously awaiting further lessons, Abigail Werner practices the cursive letter D.

"Abigail has come up to my desk five times in the past three days asking when we would be learning G," teacher Ellen Honig said. "I told her we'd probably get to it sometime next week, but that I couldn't make any promises."

Honig began a cursive unit on Nov. 10 as part of her class' regular language-arts instruction. After teaching her students the five vowels, enabling them to "jump right into" writing full words, Honig moved to the beginning of the alphabet, focusing on one letter per session. The most recent letter taught was D.

Werner has paid careful attention to each lesson, practicing the letters at home, on the bus, and at the lunch table. Last Friday, Werner chose to spend recess inside to practice the letter B. In the first week of cursive instruction, Werner went through an entire 50-sheet pack of penmanship paper.

"I know the A and the B and the C and the D and the E and the I and the O and the U," said Werner, holding up a sheet of paper bearing meticulously rendered, cursive versions of such words as "Cab," "Cub," "Abe," and "Ace." "But I can't wait until we learn the G."

With cursive lessons on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays only, Werner may have to wait at least a week to learn the seventh letter of the alphabet.

"We should get to G very soon, but you never know," Honig said. "We could have a fire drill, or the multiplication-filmstrip series I ordered might finally come in. I also have to consider that the capital F usually gives students a fair amount of trouble. That may take a whole day in and of itself, separate from the lowercase F."

Until G is taught, Werner will continue to practice the letters she has learned thus far in the "Puppies And Kittens" Trapper Keeper she keeps in her tote tray at school.

"I'm glad we're learning our cursive letters now, because Mom said she's going to let me write my own name on the Christmas cards this year," Werner said. "I want to write my name like a grown-up. And when you draw a picture, you're supposed to sign your name in cursive."

For the past week, Werner has been writing "Abbie" in cursive at the top of her papers. Though she had long spurned "Abbie" as too childish for a third-grader, preferring the more mature "Abigail," the name does not require any letters she does not know.

Werner stressed that her motives in learning cursive G are not entirely selfish.

"There are lots of people that start with the letter G," Werner said. "My dad's name is Gary, and our dog's name is Grady. And Grandma. Mrs. Honig has a G in her name. And Grand Rapids. And George Washington Carver Elementary. The Powerpuff Girls have a big G. And God, too."

Karen Werner, 38, has been supportive in her daughter's quest for cursive knowledge.

"Abigail's really excited about that G," Werner said. "She had to go to the dentist yesterday but refused to until I called Mrs. Honig to make sure the class wouldn't be learning G that day. They were only reviewing the vowels, thank goodness."

"I'd teach Abigail the rest of the letters myself, but, to be honest, I don't even remember how a lot of them look anymore," Werner added. "I couldn't make a capital Q to save my life."

Werner said this is not the first time her daughter has become fixated on a school subject. In May, she developed a three-week obsession with wooly mammoths. During summer vacation, she made 28 baskets using a paper-weaving technique she learned at a library recreation program.

Just last month, the 9-year-old became so interested in her classroom's hermit crabs, she requested to be permanently placed on the cage-cleaning duty chart.

"When Abigail is curious about something, she really goes all out," Honig said. "Whether it's the four food groups, pilgrims, rocks and minerals, or penguins, she really throws herself into it."

According to child psychologist Dr. Alexandra Levens, Werner's obsession with the cursive G is perfectly healthy.

"Abigail is an eager, precocious child who wants to do things adults can do, like sign their names," Levens said. "This shows intelligence and maturity on her part. Nevertheless, I'm glad I won't be around when Mrs. Honig tells her she has to wait another two weeks to learn the lower-case L she needs to write 'Abigail.'"

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close