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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Third Knocked-Over Glass Of Water Makes Man Want To Give Up

VANCOUVER, WA—A third spilled beverage in less than six hours made Dan Drayton want to give up and crawl back into bed Monday. "God, I'm pathetic," said a disconsolate Drayton, 37, following the tertiary mishap. "This is the third time. The third time." Drayton then sat and stared at the puddle of water on his kitchen counter for eight minutes before getting a roll of paper towels.

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