The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Third World Disease Eliminated With Hot-Air Hand Dryers

KIGALI, RWANDA—Malaria, small pox and AIDS are among the many afflictions whose spread has been halted thanks to the World Health Organization's recent installation of hot-air hand dryers in millions of Third World restrooms. "Before these dryers arrived, there was much disease and suffering in my restaurant," said Ngwale Goba, assistant manager of a Kigali-area T.G.I. Friday's. "But now that unsanitary paper hand towels have been eliminated, far fewer of us are dying. There is also less chafing."

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