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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Thirsty Mayor Drinks Town's Entire Water Supply

ARDMORE, OK—Saying he was "just really thirsty," Mayor Earl Moore apologized to his constituents Tuesday after drinking the entire 1.5-million-gallon water supply housed in the town's water tower.

"I apologize that my actions today have left all of you without water, and I will do everything in my power to make sure we have water tomorrow," a visibly bloated Moore told reporters. "I woke up in the middle of the night and my mouth was dry. I thought I just needed a sip of water, but I was obviously thirstier than that."

Responding to criticism that he deeply mismanaged city resources, Moore promised to drive to nearby Marietta next time.

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