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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Thirsty Mayor Drinks Town's Entire Water Supply

ARDMORE, OK—Saying he was "just really thirsty," Mayor Earl Moore apologized to his constituents Tuesday after drinking the entire 1.5-million-gallon water supply housed in the town's water tower.

"I apologize that my actions today have left all of you without water, and I will do everything in my power to make sure we have water tomorrow," a visibly bloated Moore told reporters. "I woke up in the middle of the night and my mouth was dry. I thought I just needed a sip of water, but I was obviously thirstier than that."

Responding to criticism that he deeply mismanaged city resources, Moore promised to drive to nearby Marietta next time.

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