This First Time Area Man Hearing About Daughter Dating George Zimmerman

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George Zimmerman

George Zimmerman Wins Florida State Lottery

SANFORD, FL—Just days after being fully acquitted for his role in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman reportedly won the $37 million Florida Lottery jackpot last night.

The Case For And Against George Zimmerman

FOR Typed, signed letter from Martin confirming he attacked Zimmerman Americans have soft spot for nation’s rugged, rawly sexual neighborhood watch volunteers Actions fall within the letter of Florida’s “Get Out Of Your Car, Trac...
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

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This First Time Area Man Hearing About Daughter Dating George Zimmerman

APOPKA, FL—After his daughter was reportedly threatened, held at gunpoint, and shoved out of her home by her live-in boyfriend yesterday, the father of area woman Samantha Scheibe told reporters this is the first time he’s hearing anything about his daughter dating George Zimmerman. “Wait, you mean that George Zimmerman? Like, the guy who shot the kid?” the stunned father said while rapidly scanning news articles for any clues as to how his 27-year-old daughter happened to meet, much less become romantically involved with, the man nationally recognized for pursuing and killing an unarmed teenager in February of 2012. “I mean, I heard her mention she was seeing a guy named George, but how in the world was I supposed to know she was talking about George fucking Zimmerman? Christ, how long was this going on? Were they serious?” The disgruntled father added that his daughter better not be pregnant.