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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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This So Typical Of Hemophiliac

TEMPE, AZ—Friends of Joshua Melman agreed Monday that the behavior displayed at the WildSlide Waterpark Sunday was "utterly typical" of the 19-year-old hemophiliac. "Before we can even go on one ride, Josh trips on his flip-flop and scuffs his toe on the cement," said Alex Schaeffer, who has had several outings ruined by Melman's congenital disease. "Would it kill the guy to clot once in a while?" Schaeffer added that the water-park debacle was worse than the time they played paintball, but not as bad as the lap-dance incident.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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