This Time To Be Different

Top Headlines

Recent News

City Adds Some Big Concrete Stairs

They’re For Sitting On Or Running Up Or Something

CHICAGO—Noting the structure’s considerable size and prominent location in a busy public park, local residents confirmed Tuesday that the city had installed some big concrete stairs that were probably for sitting on or running up or something like that.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.


This Time To Be Different

LAREDO, TX—This time—unlike the time you moved in with the alcoholic chick from New Jersey, the time you and your buddy stole those tires from that warehouse, or the time you ended up on Interstate 35 with only a five-dollar bill in your pocket—will be different, a visibly optimistic you asserted to yourself Monday. "I can honestly say that I've learned from my past mistakes, and I've really thought things through as much as I possibly can," you said, adding that this time you're sure you've got a foolproof moneymaking scheme to pay back all your debts to that guy Wayne. "The future is wide open, and things are really going to change, I can feel it." You further asserted that this time you would definitely not get the baby involved.