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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Thomas Jefferson Impersonator Reenacts Famous Cell Phone Shouting Match With Wife

PHILADELPHIA—Pacing angrily behind Independence Hall, historical actor and Thomas Jefferson impersonator Tim Blodgett, 48, loudly reenacted the legendary cell phone shouting match between the nation's third president and his wife, sources reported Thursday. "For Christ's sake, Sheila, how many times do we have to go over this," hissed Blodgett, vividly bringing to life the historic scene exactly as it might have occurred more than 200 years ago. "Just tell your mother to call Time Warner and have someone come over and set up the goddamn box already. No, absolutely not—I'll be home when I'm home." After cursing beneath his breath, Blodgett painstakingly reenacted the time Thomas Jefferson got into his Honda Civic, drove to a nearby Bennigan's, and got "blackout drunk" with his buddy Mitch.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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