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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Thought Of Cross-Dressing, Joining LPGA Briefly Crosses David Duval's Mind

DENVER, CO—Though he is currently taking a brief sabbatical from golf to spend time with his family, David Duval once again entertained thoughts of dressing in a modest, clean-lined polo shirt, a crisp knee-length navy cotton skirt, and classic pedal-pusher golf shoes in the interest of entering the LPGA Tour under the name of Esperanze Duvette. "You don't suppose I… Huh," Duval said to himself while admiring a set of yellow-and-pink Callaway head covers at a Denver-area pro shop Tuesday. "I mean, what if I… I mean… Hmm." Duval then spent the better part of an hour alternating between staring wistfully at posters of Paula Creamer and holding Lycra-blend sport-dresses up in front of himself while peering in the shop's mirrors.

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