adBlockCheck

Thousands Gather To Watch Losing Incumbents Marched Out Of Washington

Top Headlines

Politics

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.

Revelations From The DNC Email Leak

Last week, WikiLeaks posted 20,000 email exchanges among DNC officials, the content of which led to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz’s resignation on the eve of the convention. Here are some of the key revelations from the leak

CNN Producer On Hunt For Saddest-Looking Fuck With Convention Button Collection

PHILADELPHIA—Weaving his way through the crowd of patriotically dressed attendees excitedly milling around on the floor of the Democratic National Convention, CNN segment producer Jeff Raskin reportedly went on the hunt Monday for the most pitiful-looking fuck willing to speak on camera about their political button collection.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Thousands Gather To Watch Losing Incumbents Marched Out Of Washington

WASHINGTON—Waving signs, brandishing sticks, and hurling rotten fruit, thousands of citizens lined the streets of Washington to taunt and abuse defeated members of Congress as they were forcibly marched from the nation's capital at sundown Wednesday. "There's one now! Get him!" said Albert Howatt, who had driven nearly 24 hours from Wichita to lob a chunk of pure Kansas granite at the disgraced politicians. "Go on out of here and don't come back!" The crowd then descended upon 63-year-old legal clerk Paulette Thomas, kicking, spitting on, and eventually hospitalizing the woman they had mistaken for outgoing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close