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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Thousands Of New Orleans Households Still Without Political Power

Refugees in New Orleans wait in vain for their political power to be restored.

NEW ORLEANS (Dec. 18)—Nearly four months since Hurricane Katrina hit ground along the Central Gulf Coast, 40 percent of New Orleans households remain powerless. "We are dealing with a superstructure created more than two centuries ago," government spokesman Jason Packer told powerless residents of New Orleans' still-dark 9th Ward. "Unfortunately, there is no connection we can repair to bring any of you political power at this time, but we are hoping to correct this sometime over the next 50 to 100 years." Packer added that the blame really does not rest with him, as many of Katrina's victims have been powerless for as many as six generations.

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