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Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Thousands Wait Overnight At Microsoft Stores For Second Generation Zune

NEW YORK—In a year that saw the release of such best-selling products as the Motorola RAZR 2 V8 and the wildly popular Casio XD-SW4800 handheld dictionary, no personal electronics product launch was more highly anticipated than the November 13 debut of the second-generation Microsoft Zune mp3 player.

The sleek new Zune, whose record-breaking sales have made the Zune name synonymous with "mp3 player," was so sought-after that thousands formed long lines outside hip, minimalist Microsoft Stores across the country days before the device went on sale. In Midtown Manhattan, the hysteria reached such a fever pitch that some were willing to pay as much as $200 for a spot in line.

"How could you not want one?" said self-described "Microsoft fanatic" Maria Arkin, who, like many others scrambling to be among the first to get their hands on the new Zune, expressed disappointment upon learning that sales were limited to just two units per customer. "It's amazing. There's just nothing else like it on the market."

Arkin added, "Plus, it's small enough to fit in my pocket—right next to my cell phone!"

Even skeptics have found it difficult to deny the Zune's appeal. With its video capability, "squircle"-shaped control pad, Microsoft logo emblazoned on the back, and iconic black earbuds, it has become a must-have item for everyone from high-powered executives to trendy young scenesters. Many consumers consider owning the newest model of Zune to be the most essential status symbol of the past 10 years, hailing it as the hallmark fashion accessory of the so-called "Zune Generation."

"The second-generation Zune has it all," said Brian Lam, editor in chief of Gizmodo, a popular tech blog. "It's got a great design, and the cult of personality that the undeniably charismatic Bill Gates has created with his Microsoft product launches only adds to the Zune's desirability."

Though the Zune continues to dominate the world of personal electronics, technology experts believe it will quickly be overshadowed by the fall 2008 launch of the hotly anticipated new Texas Instruments TI-Nspire graphing calculator.

More from this section

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

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