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Threat Of Catching Olympic Fever At All-Time Low

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Threat Of Catching Olympic Fever At All-Time Low

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO (June 13)—U.S. Olympic Committee Chief Executive Jim Scherr announced Thursday that the risk of contracting Olympic Fever, the virulent international strain of athletic obsession that sweeps the nation every four years, has dropped to a historic low.

Spectators watch an Olympic event in Athens.

"The once-infectious strain is no longer considered contagious," Scherr said. "This is largely because of a years-long immunization campaign in which Americans were exposed to related strains, such as NFL Fever, March Madness, and the NASCAR Immunodeficiency Virus. As a result, most American sports fans have built up powerful immunities. Just look at the once-menacing NHL Pandemic, which has been completely eradicated as of this year."

According to Scherr, even children under the age of 12, a group once extremely susceptible to the fever, have been largely unaffected in recent years.

Scherr warned that Olympic Fever, which still affects hundreds of thousands in developing nations, could re-emerge in America if New York City carries out its plan to build a sports complex on the disease-infested shores of the Hudson River by 2012.

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