Three Dozen Confirmed *@@## In Power Plant *@@##

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Yu Wan Mei Onion Takeover

China Strong

Following approved article contains: Report on strength and might of China; Report on force and vigor of China; Report on how China will continue to succeed and never fail.

American Consumer Masses Agree: It Fish Time!

Following approved article contains: Report on big hot trend sweeping the palates of American consumers; Evidence of deliciousness and ease of consumption regarding all foodstuffs from Yu Wan Mei corporation; List of times of day in which appetizing Fish Time is observed.

Bad Lab Results Often Unreported

A review of more than 5,000 medical records from doctors' offices across the nation revealed that bad test results were not reported to patients 7...
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TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Advertising

  • Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

    Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Three Dozen Confirmed *@@## In Power Plant *@@##

*@@## PROVINCE—Emergency *@@## reported to the scene of a most *@@## early @## morning, pulling several *@@## bodies from the ensuing @## that erupted without *@@## or *@@##. The *@@##, believed to have been caused by a *@@##%#@, spilling *@@## among the faulty *@@##, and allowing high-grade *@@## to *@@## for miles, is the third such *@@## *@@## of *@@## in *@@##. "&%^*@@## *@@## devastating aftermath," stated *@@## Plant Supervisor *@@##, who received orders from *@@## under the *@@## *@@## and must now accept *@@##. "*@@##*@@##." Citizens should *@@## radiation *@@## sloughing off *@@## on the operating table.

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