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Three Fingered On Class Trip To Washington, D.C.

WASHINGTON—Less than 24 hours into their class trip to Washington D.C., ninth-graders from Middleton Junior High School are reporting that three of their female classmates have been fingered.

Those students whose fingerings have been confirmed include 14-year-old Lacy DeWitt, 15-year-old Jamie Cavanaugh, and freshman class president Kelly Oswald.

Two-thirds of the fingerings occurred before the freshman class reached the National Museum of Natural History.

Rumors of a fourth fingering remain unsubstantiated, though students noted that during Friday's showing of Cosmic Collisions at the National Air and Space Museum, Brian Rupp and Laura Burkholder sat in the back of the planetarium far away from chaperones.

Burkholder was reportedly wearing a skirt at the time.

"We expect our students to be on their best behavior here in Washington," said vice principal Tom Molinaro, who is known to often fall asleep during bus rides, thus increasing the chances of a fingering taking place. "Remember, we're representing our school here."

According to students, the first fingering occurred Thursday at 8:32 a.m., when Jared Geyer, using a Middleton Football hooded sweatshirt for cover, fingered girlfriend Lacy DeWitt roughly 90 minutes into the six-hour trip to the nation's capital.

"I knew Jared was fingering her," classmate Matt Shearer told reporters. "They were laughing with each other and then they got real quiet."

Added Shearer, "Before the trip Jared said he was going to finger her."

The second fingering reportedly took place Thursday night at the hotel after chaperones failed to notice that Nick Stern had been hiding in Jamie Cavanaugh's bathroom during a 10 p.m. room check. After the two chaperones left, Stern exited the bathroom and proceeded to finger Cavanaugh from approximately 10:13 p.m. to 10:17 p.m.

Kelly Oswald, recipient of the trip's third confirmed fingering, was fingered by Greg Wandel on Friday behind the FDR Memorial.

While the official count remains at three, students speculated that as many as 20 of their classmates have been or will be fingered before the trip's end. However, ninth-grade sources have ruled out any chance of 15-year-old Emily Blankenship being fingered, felt up, or even touched, for that matter.

"I guarantee Dave Hilland will finger Jessica Swink," Geoff Schroyer told reporters, adding that Hilland fingered Swink during last summer's whale-watching trip in Boston. "If not tonight, then definitely during the bus ride back. Either way, he'll finger her."

In addition to those who could be getting fingered at this very moment, four other students have reportedly been the object of attempted fingerings, one of which was interrupted when a chaperone entered the railcar exhibit at the Holocaust Memorial Museum. According to Jason Schilling, there was no actual finger insertion, though contact with pubic hair was made.

Others who have been implicated in alleged fingerings include Allison Maida, whose whereabouts between 3:30 p.m. and 3:45 p.m. Friday remain unknown.

"She was probably getting fingered," Joey Ross, 14, said.

When last available for comment, students said that Michael Biller and Carrie Washburn had stayed behind as their tour group left a monument—the name of which they could not recall—and that the situation would likely end with Washburn being "finger slammed."

"I think these trips are so important because they get the kids out of their little bubble back at school," said chaperone and ninth-grade history teacher Heidi DeWitt, whose daughter has been fingered twice during the excursion. "Washington, D.C. is such an amazing city. I'm sure this will be an experience these kids will never forget."

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