adBlockCheck

Sports

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
End Of Section
  • More News

Three More Syrians Killed As Tom Weighs Merits Of Drafting Neil Rackers

EMPORIA, KS—Three civilians attending a pro-democracy demonstration in Syria were shot dead by their government’s armed forces Tuesday while local man Tom Burchett was reportedly trying to decide whether or not to draft Neil Rackers with his fantasy football team’s sixteenth-round pick. “Rackers was pretty stellar last year from long yardage, and this league gives you extra points for those,” Burchett, 34, said as dying Syrians realized with their last flickers of dwindling consciousness that they would never experience human freedom. “I could go with another sleeper wideout here, but my worry is there will be a run on kickers now that Greg and Dustin have both picked one.” As several hundred more Syrians decided to join the protests and risk their lives, Burchett finally decided to draft Rackers, calling it the most difficult choice he’s made all year and a risk he hopes he won’t regret.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close