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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Three Of Man's Closest Relationships With Brands

PASADENA, CA—Three of the five deepest emotional investments of local resident Ken Bowman are currently Apple, American Apparel, and Starbucks, sources close to the 27-year-old graphic designer said Monday. "American Apparel makes a strong debut this year, surging ahead of [Bowman's girlfriend] Missy [Levenson], Diesel and Tom's Of Maine," Bowman's roommate and marketing consultant Dean Childers said. "Ken's mother is still a solid number five, but Skechers is down to the seventh spot from number two last year, a drop which may spell wider implications." Missing from this year's list were Roomba, Bowman's cat Pepsi, and Childers himself.

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