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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Thrilling Duke-Albany Game Ends With Last-Second Buzzer

PHILADELPHIA—The first-round NCAA tournament game between 2nd-seeded Duke and 15th-seeded Albany ended in sensational fashion Friday after a buzzer sounded at the very last possible moment. “And there’s the buzzer! Wow, what a finish!” said CBS announcer Kevin Harlan, who noted that the decisive buzzer seemed to go off at the exact moment time expired. “Did it go off before the clock ran down? They’re looking at the replay now, but it looked to me like that buzzer went off just in time. Yes, the referees are confirming it went off with zero seconds on the clock.” With the result in the books, the all-time combined winning percentage of 2 and 15 seeds in the first round now stands at .500.

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