adBlockCheck

Thriving 'Onion' Puts Another Print Edition Out Of Business

Top Headlines

Recent News

EPA Urges Flint Residents To Stop Dumping Tap Water Down Drain

FLINT, MI—Citing the significant health and safety risks that it poses to public infrastructure and the local ecosystem, the Environmental Protection Agency released a statement Thursday urging residents of Flint to discontinue dumping tap water down their drains.

New OSHA Regulations To Cut Down On Workplace Mutations

WASHINGTON—In an attempt to address the troubling number of genetic transformations occurring in workplaces across the nation, the United States Occupational Safety and Health Administration unveiled new regulations this week aimed at reducing on-the-job mutations, sources confirmed.

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Satisfaction

Healthy Living

Thriving 'Onion' Puts Another Print Edition Out Of Business

NEW YORK—Citing the publication’s ongoing struggle to compete in an industry long-dominated by thriving daily newspaper The Onion, officials from Newsweek magazine announced Thursday that they would cease print distribution at the end of the year, a move that makes their periodical the latest to succumb to the financial and editorial supremacy of America’s Finest News Source. “Newsweek has always endeavored to evolve and adapt in today’s challenging media landscape, but there is only so much you can do when you are in the same market as The Onion; readers eventually see how redundant and useless you are by comparison, and notice how inferior your journalism actually is,” Newsweek editor-in-chief Tina Brown said in a statement, adding that she prefers to get her news from The Onion, has applied for numerous jobs there over the years, and knows her applications have never made it past human resources because “I am simply not good enough to work there.” “In the past year alone, The Onion has expanded its print distribution to all 196 countries, generating untold profits in print advertising and bringing its total circulation to upwards of 3 billion. The print industry as a whole is facing an uphill battle when it comes to competing with The Onion, and that’s something we’ve had to accept today.” When reached for comment, The Onion’s publisher emeritus T. Herman Zweibel said, “It comes as little surprise to me that a news publication administered by the likes of a woman has failed. Good day.”

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close