After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Tiger Woods Adopts Son To Compete In PGA's Del Webb Father/Son Challenge

ORLANDO, FL—Calling it "the best decision [he's] ever made," Tiger Woods adopted 11-year-old orphan Randy Gearhardt last week so he would qualify for the PGA Tour's annual Del Webb Father/Son Challenge. "I love my little Rodney [sic]—he has a good heart, and a much better short game than Vijay Singh's son," Woods said following the tandem's first-place finish in the tournament. "Even though we wouldn't have won if it weren't for me, I'm still proud of him." Now that the season is over, Woods said he is planning on spending a lot of time with his son, devoting every waking hour to molding him into the greatest golfer in the sport's history

After Birth

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