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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Tiger Woods Continues Hitting Bucket Of Balls After Hearing Wife Has Gone Into Labor

ORLANDO—According to his personal caddy Steve Williams, after Tiger Woods was informed that his wife had gone into labor with their first child on Monday, the 12-time major champion acknowledged the news, calmly put down his cellular phone, and continued hitting the 60 or so golf balls he had remaining from a large bucket he purchased 20 minutes earlier. "Tiger felt that it was extremely important to work on shaping all kinds of shots for the upcoming British Open," Williams said, adding that, upon hearing that his wife's contractions were only seven minutes apart, Woods concentrated on methodically hitting pitches, high fades, and low draws. "I thought maybe he would cut his practice session a little short for once, but when he was done with the bucket of balls he told me to get his putter so he could work on eight-footers." After receiving another phone call saying that his wife had given birth to a baby girl, Woods reportedly said nothing for some time, eventually instructing Williams to get him another bucket of balls.

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