Tiger Woods Developing Swing That Doesn’t Send Pain Shooting Through Every Inch Of Body

In This Section

Vol 50 Issue 31

End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Tiger Woods Developing Swing That Doesn’t Send Pain Shooting Through Every Inch Of Body

LOUISVILLE, KY—Aiming to fine-tune his mechanics after returning from a recent back surgery, golf star Tiger Woods told reporters at the PGA Championship Wednesday that he is currently working on building a new swing that doesn’t send waves of intense pain through every single inch of his body. “I’ve been making some adjustments in my posture and rhythm—a lot of minor things, really—so I can have a consistent drive without feeling excruciating, white-hot pain in my back, arms, legs, and neck,” said Woods, adding that he has been working with coach Sean Foley to develop a follow-through that doesn’t cause his eyes to water from an agonizing throbbing sensation that radiates across his entire body. “Right now, I’m just experimenting with a slightly tweaked motion to see where I can strike a good balance between a powerful stroke and a level of pain I can actually tolerate without blacking out. But it’s a process, so I’ll have to be patient while working out all the kinks.” Woods later confirmed that he is also looking to make a slight adjustment to his grip that will allow him to hold his driver without immediately doubling over and vomiting.

Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More