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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Tiger Woods Developing Swing That Doesn’t Send Pain Shooting Through Every Inch Of Body

LOUISVILLE, KY—Aiming to fine-tune his mechanics after returning from a recent back surgery, golf star Tiger Woods told reporters at the PGA Championship Wednesday that he is currently working on building a new swing that doesn’t send waves of intense pain through every single inch of his body. “I’ve been making some adjustments in my posture and rhythm—a lot of minor things, really—so I can have a consistent drive without feeling excruciating, white-hot pain in my back, arms, legs, and neck,” said Woods, adding that he has been working with coach Sean Foley to develop a follow-through that doesn’t cause his eyes to water from an agonizing throbbing sensation that radiates across his entire body. “Right now, I’m just experimenting with a slightly tweaked motion to see where I can strike a good balance between a powerful stroke and a level of pain I can actually tolerate without blacking out. But it’s a process, so I’ll have to be patient while working out all the kinks.” Woods later confirmed that he is also looking to make a slight adjustment to his grip that will allow him to hold his driver without immediately doubling over and vomiting.

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