Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Tiger Woods Wondering If He Should Tell People He's Still Getting Laid

WINDERMERE, FL—Tiger Woods reportedly spent several hours in deep contemplation Saturday, pondering whether he should inform friends, family, and reporters that he's still getting laid on a regular basis. "I suppose it's important to be open and honest about what's happening in my life, and it's not like I'm married anymore, so there's really nothing wrong with it," Woods said as he attempted to remember the number of sexual partners he's had over the past month. "On the other hand, people might get upset if they knew I was having sex three times a week with random women I meet at bars. I've only fucked a few ladies in the stall of the men's restroom and one on top of the sink, though. So that's not too bad." After deep consideration, Woods reportedly decided that it would be best not to reveal any sexual escapades that involved fisting, anal penetration, or urophilia.

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