adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tiki Barber To Retire During Third-Down Run Off Right Tackle During Third Quarter Of Sunday's Tampa Bay Game

NEW YORK—Giants running back Tiki Barber, who had earlier announced his retirement pending the end of the 2006-07 NFL season, advanced his timetable for retirement to a specific play in the Giants' upcoming game against the Buccaneers. "By the midpoint of the third quarter of Sunday's game, I intend to take the handoff from [quarterback] Eli [Manning], cut inside the right tackle, and bounce to the outside to avoid linebacker Derrick Brooks," said Barber, who otherwise plans to treat Sunday "just like any other game." "Once in the open field, I'll avoid pursuit by my brother Ronde and go out on top by retiring from football in front of my family and the world's greatest fans." After taking his final bows and shaking the hands of all players and coaches present, Barber plans to change into a stylish but understated gray suit, and return to the sidelines, where he will interview himself for ESPN.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close