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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Tim Duncan Around If Any Spurs Have Questions About Sequester

SAN ANTONIO—Stressing that it is a “very complicated socioeconomic issue,” Spurs power forward Tim Duncan reportedly urged teammates Thursday to come to him with any questions or concerns they may have about the automatic federal spending cuts enacted by the ongoing government sequester. “You might not think it affects you guys, but San Antonio’s transportation infrastructure has already taken a hit due to forced staffing cuts, not to mention the potential $67 million loss of education funding,” said the three-time NBA Finals MVP, who recently sent the team a mass e-mail with a comprehensive breakdown of the $85 billion in cuts at both the federal and statewide level. “I’ll be around after practice, and if anything comes up later or you’d prefer to talk one-on-one, feel free to call me at home. I also have some additional literature on the subject, including Bob Woodward’s controversial The Price Of Politics, if you’re interested in reading up on sequestration yourself.” At press time, Duncan was e-mailing his local congressmen to suggest a $55 billion reduction in defense spending and a 4 percent tax increase on adjusted gross incomes over $5 million in order to balance the budget.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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