adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tim Duncan Begins Summer Job At Apple Genius Bar

SAN ANTONIO—Spurs center Tim Duncan returned to his summer job at the Apple Store Genius Bar Monday, where he provided technical support during his eight-hour shift by diagnosing problems, troubleshooting software issues, and repairing people's computers, iPhones, and iPods. "I can't stress to our customers enough that they really need to make multiple backups of their data," said Duncan, who has worked at the San Pedro Avenue location for the past three summers. "A lot of times we can retrieve files from a crashed hard drive, but you shouldn't rely on that. Also, you can increase the battery life of your laptop if you shut it down when you're transporting it from one place to another." Duncan has also offered to take a shift for fellow Apple Genius David Atwood on Saturday, saying it would be a shame for his coworker to miss Game 3 of the Nuggets-Mavericks Western Conference Semifinals.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close