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Tim Duncan Busy At San Antonio Zoning Office Planning Spurs Championship Parade Route

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Tim Duncan Busy At San Antonio Zoning Office Planning Spurs Championship Parade Route

SAN ANTONIO—Having already filed a special event permit application with the city government, sources confirmed Tuesday that Spurs power forward Tim Duncan has been working diligently at the San Antonio zoning office to finalize the route of the team’s upcoming NBA championship parade. “We’re going to have a huge turnout tomorrow, so we should cordon off designated standing areas to ensure that traffic isn’t obstructed heading downtown,” Duncan reportedly said while poring over a large map of the city, estimating that roughly 500 4-foot-tall barricades would be required to ensure fan safety along the parade route. “I’m fine with allowing spectators near Rivercenter Mall, but only if we set up first aid tents and mark clear walking paths toward restroom facilities and street exits. The 2005 parade actually caused quite a bit of congestion on Market Street, so we should do our best to avoid any similar headaches this year.” At press time, Duncan was composing a lengthy email to teammates reminding them not to bring any glass containers or alcoholic beverages with them, as such items will not be permitted at the parade.

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