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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Tim Duncan Offers To Drive NBA Players To Polling Place On Election Day

SAN ANTONIO—Spurs center Tim Duncan sent an e-mail message to his fellow NBA players Tuesday volunteering to use his 1992 Buick LeSabre to chauffeur anyone "who needs a ride" to his assigned polling place to vote in the 2008 presidential election. "It's our responsibility to cast that ballot so that our democracy may continue working properly," wrote Duncan, adding that he was confident that every eligible member of the NBA was registered to vote and had been closely following all the 2008 races for months. "There's no need to feel pressure to tell me who you're voting for—that information is between you and the voting machine. All I ask is that you please be at the curb on time, buckle up, and treat my car with respect." According to Duncan, the "huge response" has forced him to schedule two separate trips, which he has detailed in a Google calendar and shared with all participants.

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