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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Tim Duncan Reports 5th Straight Successful New Year's Resolution

SAN ANTONIO—Spurs center Tim Duncan confirmed Monday that since he had not put off answering e-mails once during the entire year, 2010 would mark the fifth consecutive year he had held true to his New Year's resolution. "In 2006, I vowed to cut down on the sodium in my diet, and in 2007, I promised myself I would win another NBA championship and finally visit Denmark," said Duncan, adding that 2009's resolution to "loosen up and have more fun" was achieved by auditing a sociology course at the University of Texas at San Antonio. "2008 was hard, but on Dec. 31, I finally built up enough courage to talk to [AT&T Center concession-stand worker] Erin [Matthews]." This year, the 12-time All-Star has resolved to start cooking for himself more and to put more thought into the gifts he gives.

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