adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tim Duncan Scrubs In To Perform Teammate's Arthroscopic Knee Surgery

SAN ANTONIO, TX—As 21-year-old small forward Kawhi Leonard was prepped and placed under general anesthesia Friday, Spurs center Tim Duncan scrubbed up and entered the operating room in University Hospital to perform his teammate's arthroscopic meniscectomy. "With this type of injury, it's best to clear out this scar tissue around the tibia before repairing the tear here on the lateral meniscus," the 13-time NBA All-Star said while pointing to an MRI scan of Leonard's left knee. "Basketball is Kawhi's life, so it's nice to be able to help him get back on the court. Nurse, I'm going to need a C-mount arthroscope and a biting clamp, please." After carefully suturing the last incision, Duncan washed up and began outlining a regimented physical therapy program that would have Leonard playing again by November.

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close