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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Tim Duncan Scrubs In To Perform Teammate's Arthroscopic Knee Surgery

SAN ANTONIO, TX—As 21-year-old small forward Kawhi Leonard was prepped and placed under general anesthesia Friday, Spurs center Tim Duncan scrubbed up and entered the operating room in University Hospital to perform his teammate's arthroscopic meniscectomy. "With this type of injury, it's best to clear out this scar tissue around the tibia before repairing the tear here on the lateral meniscus," the 13-time NBA All-Star said while pointing to an MRI scan of Leonard's left knee. "Basketball is Kawhi's life, so it's nice to be able to help him get back on the court. Nurse, I'm going to need a C-mount arthroscope and a biting clamp, please." After carefully suturing the last incision, Duncan washed up and began outlining a regimented physical therapy program that would have Leonard playing again by November.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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