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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Tim Duncan's Sincere Apology Confuses Referee Enough To Eject Him From Game

DALLAS—Baffled by Tim Duncan's unexpected sincerity in apologizing following a technical foul, NBA official Joey Crawford responded by issuing Duncan a second technical and ejecting him from the game. "I don't know what the hell he was trying to pull with that gentle tone of voice and that attitude of heartfelt honesty, but I wasn't about to fall for it," Crawford told reporters after being asked about reacting so strongly to Duncan's attempt at shaking hands and putting the incident behind them both. "I'm pretty sure Duncan was really saying he wanted to punch me." Following the game, Crawford was arrested for assault after attacking a concession-stand employee who gave him a free hot dog in what Crawford claims was an attempt to make him "look cheap."

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