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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Tim McCarver Delivers Incoherent, Unintelligible Retirement Announcement

SARASOTA, FL—After more than 30 years in the broadcast booth, Fox Sports MLB commentator Tim McCarver announced his retirement last week in an incoherent, largely unintelligible speech. “Well, when you, uh, get to my age, there are two options: retire or keep going. And so that’s what I’m gonna do,” said McCarver in his rambling, muddled farewell, in which reporters suspect the veteran sportscaster expressed gratitude for his fellow broadcasters, “the sport of baseball,” and “the great man of Bob Selig” [sic]. “The thing about Tim McCarver—that’s me—is you’ve gotta appreciate a guy going out like that. And respect the game. Which is what I think I’m doing here, and that’s what I think people will, uh, believe he’s doing. And do it the correct way. Right, Joe?” Though McCarver ranks as one of baseball’s most recognizable media personalities, early reports indicate that most fans remain unaware of his retirement, as they have become accustomed to subconsciously tuning out everything the analyst says.

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