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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Tim McCarver Delivers Incoherent, Unintelligible Retirement Announcement

SARASOTA, FL—After more than 30 years in the broadcast booth, Fox Sports MLB commentator Tim McCarver announced his retirement last week in an incoherent, largely unintelligible speech. “Well, when you, uh, get to my age, there are two options: retire or keep going. And so that’s what I’m gonna do,” said McCarver in his rambling, muddled farewell, in which reporters suspect the veteran sportscaster expressed gratitude for his fellow broadcasters, “the sport of baseball,” and “the great man of Bob Selig” [sic]. “The thing about Tim McCarver—that’s me—is you’ve gotta appreciate a guy going out like that. And respect the game. Which is what I think I’m doing here, and that’s what I think people will, uh, believe he’s doing. And do it the correct way. Right, Joe?” Though McCarver ranks as one of baseball’s most recognizable media personalities, early reports indicate that most fans remain unaware of his retirement, as they have become accustomed to subconsciously tuning out everything the analyst says.

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