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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Tim Tebow Puts Empty Gatorade Cups In Wildcat Formation On Jets Bench

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Jets quarterback Tim Tebow reportedly sat alone during Sunday’s game against the Jacksonville Jaguars, arranging empty Gatorade cups in the wildcat formation and running plays across the bench. “I walked over there and he was muttering something to one of the cups about it having ‘unique skills’ that would make the wildcat a powerful offensive weapon,” said Jets defensive lineman Mike DeVito, adding that there was also a Tebow-voiced analyst cup that said cups in the wildcat provided the only chance to win the game. “At one point he had all those cups join together in a circle, and he closed his eyes like he was praying with them.” With the game on the line in the closing minutes of the fourth quarter, Jets coach Rex Ryan turned to Tebow to ask for the cups back, as team members who were playing in the game were reportedly thirsty.

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