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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Tim Tebow Puts Empty Gatorade Cups In Wildcat Formation On Jets Bench

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Jets quarterback Tim Tebow reportedly sat alone during Sunday’s game against the Jacksonville Jaguars, arranging empty Gatorade cups in the wildcat formation and running plays across the bench. “I walked over there and he was muttering something to one of the cups about it having ‘unique skills’ that would make the wildcat a powerful offensive weapon,” said Jets defensive lineman Mike DeVito, adding that there was also a Tebow-voiced analyst cup that said cups in the wildcat provided the only chance to win the game. “At one point he had all those cups join together in a circle, and he closed his eyes like he was praying with them.” With the game on the line in the closing minutes of the fourth quarter, Jets coach Rex Ryan turned to Tebow to ask for the cups back, as team members who were playing in the game were reportedly thirsty.

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