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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Tim Tebow Spends All Night Refreshing Jets Depth Chart On ESPN.com

NEW YORK—Following the Jets 23-17 Monday night loss to the Houston Texans, Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow reportedly stayed up until morning compulsively refreshing the team’s depth chart on ESPN.com to see if his name had been switched to the starting position. Sources confirmed Tebow repeatedly clicked the browser’s “reload” icon and created several new tabs of the Jets’ depth chart page, apparently suspecting the content would be updated at any moment. “Come on, come on,” said the third-year player, who at several points checked the analogous depth chart at SportsIllustrated.com “just in case they updated it first.” “Come on—it still says second string.” Shortly before falling asleep at 5:15 a.m., a bleary-eyed Tebow told reporters he was certain the number next to his name had, for a fraction of a second, switched to a three.

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