adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Tim Tebow Spends All Night Refreshing Jets Depth Chart On ESPN.com

NEW YORK—Following the Jets 23-17 Monday night loss to the Houston Texans, Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow reportedly stayed up until morning compulsively refreshing the team’s depth chart on ESPN.com to see if his name had been switched to the starting position. Sources confirmed Tebow repeatedly clicked the browser’s “reload” icon and created several new tabs of the Jets’ depth chart page, apparently suspecting the content would be updated at any moment. “Come on, come on,” said the third-year player, who at several points checked the analogous depth chart at SportsIllustrated.com “just in case they updated it first.” “Come on—it still says second string.” Shortly before falling asleep at 5:15 a.m., a bleary-eyed Tebow told reporters he was certain the number next to his name had, for a fraction of a second, switched to a three.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close