Time-Management Tips

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What Smoking A Cigarette Does To The Body

With the FDA recently pulling multiple cigarette brands off the market, the conversation surrounding the harmful effects of smoking has been returning in full force to the national stage. Here is what happens to your body as you smoke a cigarette

Childish 12-Year-Old Still Believes In Father

HARTFORD, CT—Saying she just assumed he would have figured it out by now, local mother Kathleen Rivers expressed concern to reporters Tuesday that her 12-year-old son, Dylan, still believes in his father.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • ‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

    PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.

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Time-Management Tips

In this era of faxing and multitasking, being able to effectively manage your time is essential. Here are some tips to help you maximize your work hours:

  • Hold daily, two-hour staff meetings to discuss ways to increase productivity and develop employees' time-management skills
  • Limit quality time with children and spouse to no more than 20 to 25 minutes a week
  • When making business calls, get right into it; avoid elaborate two-part greetings like, "Hi there, how are you?"
  • Kiss spouse goodbye five times before leaving for work Monday, allowing quicker exit from house for the rest of the week
  • Every time you miss a deadline, give yourself an electrical shock; every time you meet one, give yourself a pellet
  • Save time on the phone by yelling, "Shut up!" at the beginning of each conversation and then angrily slamming down receiver
  • Cryogenically freeze self solid during wasteful "between meetings" time
  • Keep map of office near desk to stay on top of most direct routes to other cubicles
  • When exiting building for lunch, don't waste time walking down stairs or taking elevator; plummet from roof of building to street below