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Tips

How To Start A Community Garden

A community gardening project is a good way to spur neighborhood involvement, but it requires careful planning and logistics. Here are The Onion’s tips for starting a community garden:

Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

Home Repair Tips

When projects need to be completed around the house, calling contractors can be expensive. Here are The Onion’s tips for do-it-yourself home repairs:

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:
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Time-Management Tips

In this era of faxing and multitasking, being able to effectively manage your time is essential. Here are some tips to help you maximize your work hours:

  • Hold daily, two-hour staff meetings to discuss ways to increase productivity and develop employees' time-management skills
  • Limit quality time with children and spouse to no more than 20 to 25 minutes a week
  • When making business calls, get right into it; avoid elaborate two-part greetings like, "Hi there, how are you?"
  • Kiss spouse goodbye five times before leaving for work Monday, allowing quicker exit from house for the rest of the week
  • Every time you miss a deadline, give yourself an electrical shock; every time you meet one, give yourself a pellet
  • Save time on the phone by yelling, "Shut up!" at the beginning of each conversation and then angrily slamming down receiver
  • Cryogenically freeze self solid during wasteful "between meetings" time
  • Keep map of office near desk to stay on top of most direct routes to other cubicles
  • When exiting building for lunch, don't waste time walking down stairs or taking elevator; plummet from roof of building to street below
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